Four days with the bugFebruary 18, 2008 at 8:38 pm | Posted in little bug | Leave a comment
So, it turns out that when you are not at work, at your desk, it is a bit harder to post on your blog. Especially when that day-away-from-work (or four in a row) roughly consist of: waking up at 6:30, nursing the baby, giving the baby apples and oatmeal, watching the baby roll around on the floor as she tries to crawl (but can only scooch backwards, getting herself stuck under the chair or the ottoman somehow, even though every pillow in the house is making a homemade barrier in front of dangerous and un-childproofed furniture…), checking email and showering or maybe even getting in a short run while the baby naps, helping the baby jump in the jumper, having a “playdate” with another seven-month-old (where they try to poke each other’s eyes out), doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen and making phone calls during nap #2, taking a stroll outside, feeding the baby rice cereal and gross-smelling peas, more crawling practice on the floor, dancing to your seven-month-old’s favorite song (“Skip to my Lou”), bathtime where you introduce bubbles thinking it would be fun but the baby tries to eat the bubbles, a story, feeding, some adorable “chatting” as the baby quite literally gives you kisses before she arches her back to let you know that she’s ready to go in her crib thank you, and then listening to her sweetly talk to her stuffed elephants as she thrashes to sleep. Then you make dinner. And then you collapse on the couch with a bottle of wine and “Hardball.” And then, after said bottle of wine (albeit shared with your husband), you’re up at 6:30 to do it again.
In all seriousness, it’s wonderful. And exhausting. Working 10-hour-days as a lawyer is less exhausting, I’m sure. And gives you much more time to play on the internet (without feeling guilty that your child is languishing in the jumparoo while you sneak a peak at Perez, whom you haven’t quite abandoned…) The whole work-or-stay-home dilemma has been written about, discussed, and blogged to death, but four days as full as the last four I’ve had with the Little Bug illuminate just why the dilemma is so sharp. I’m so grateful to have this entire year as an almost-lawyer and to have so much more time with her than I might were I working full-time; being a “real” lawyer is an itch I know I have to scratch to be any kind of whole person and thus good mother, but these days with my baby fly by so sweetly that sometimes I can’t imagine how I will be able to limit them to errand-packed weekends. As my mother often tells me, however, my job is not to make my child need me, but to make her a child who can be a happy part of the world. As long as she gets there, whatever path I choose for myself is the right one.