Review (phew?)
November 18, 2009 at 10:19 am | In Starbucks, little bug, tax law is sexy, the firm | 4 CommentsTags: Big Law, law firm layoffs, lawyer mom, performance reviews
I was so sure I was going to be let go/laid off/fired (or whatever the current euphemism is for what is happening at BigLaw performance reviews these days) on Tuesday that I booked a painter to begin working on Thursday. Rumors were rampant at work about cuts to be made, not based on performance, but based on hours. Although due to no real fault of my own I’d like to think (I’m a tax lawyer, I don’t work on deals, I don’t do document review), my numbers were, by BigLaw standards, atrocious. So, by Tuesday morning I had done some cursory research of Massachusetts employment law as it relates to maternity leave (can your maternity leave be halted once you have begun it?) and also had consulted with former colleagues who had been downsized right before their maternity leaves to compare what sort of severance they had been given. I was prepared.
I walked into my review with a truly racing heart. My nerves were tingling in a way they had not since I opened up that letter from the Massachusetts Board of Bar Examiners. I also had convinced myself that being laid off right now would be great, actually. I would have three months at home with my Little Bug before the baby arrived. I could get the house decorated, prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas, cook, watch Oprah. Tim could truly focus on his increasingly demanding job for awhile. I’d have the baby, and in the spring I’d think about what came next.
At the same time, I was thinking about how and with whom I’d network. I’d try to start freelancing for the Boston Bar Journal. I’d join some professional groups. I’d get my references lined up. And I had already started to do some soul-searching: why were my hours so low that I was laid off? What sort of message was I putting out – consciously or subconsciously – into the universe about my desire to work full-time at a big firm? What could I have done better? And, worse, I had started asking myself: was this really an hours-based layoff? Was I really a good lawyer?
In the end, I had a glowing performance review. I was truly stunned when, after the first few moments, it became clear that not only was I not going to get fired, but that people actually appreciated my work. “Come on, you didn’t really think they were going to let you go,” was the chorus from my family and friends. But I did – I truly did. See, I’m not sure I’m world’s greatest tax lawyer. This stuff is difficult, and not only do I not take to it as intuitively as others, I’m also quite sure I don’t work as hard. I get Starbucks with my colleagues. Most nights, I rush out of here to get home before 6, and I don’t work from home unless I really need to. I write on my blog, I read the news, I watch crappy TV. If they were going to have to let the lowest-producing lawyers go for economic reasons, why not me?
Oh, I am so lucky to have a job – any job – right now. I have stimulating, supportive colleagues. A caring nanny whom my child adores. A husband who rarely travels and will get home in lieu of me almost any night I ask (and when he can’t, family who can step in.) And, the bottom line is: I could stay home if I wished. I am acutely aware that I have this choice. But, historically, I’m also really bad with choices: I second-guess to the point of anxiety. (I’ve written about this before, of course.) I am extremely satisfied and proud and grateful in the wake of this review that my choice to become a Big Law attorney seems to have been a good one, but it doesn’t make walking out the door each morning any easier. I am supporting my family and (hopefully) becoming a role model for my daughter, who can now say, “I want to be a lawyer!” But is that any better than being home with her, reading to her, making her lunch? I just don’t know. I can’t know. As irrational as it seems, maybe the choice should have been made for me.
Move over Jane Austen as my imaginary Best Friend Forever
April 24, 2009 at 7:50 am | In read this, tax law is sexy | Leave a CommentTags: New York Times, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Women and the Law

Too gorgeous out to write a long post — need to get my work done and get outside! But please click on this link to see the “Opinion” column — a fusion of art and photos and observation — in today’s Times. It is a subtly provoking and lovely musing on women and the law.
Follow up to follow up
February 26, 2009 at 9:26 pm | In Starbucks, little bug, running, tax law is sexy, the firm | Leave a CommentWell, I didn’t go running yesterday. I went in to the bathroom at work and changed — running tights and all — in anticipation of a quick run past South Station and down through Southie, but by the time I emerged it was 5:30. And my mind was elsewhere: we had no diapers, no milk, no dish soap, no bananas, no paper towels — all things you can not do without when you have a baby. I also had spent about 45 minutes total with the Little Bug since Monday. So, I went to Whole Foods and CVS and went home and played with my baby. And didn’t feel guilty at all.
Today, however, at 3 p.m., I was sitting at my desk feeling anxious. My chest felt tight. I couldn’t concentrate. I was getting cranky. I already had rescheduled my pro bono tax preparation work (I have been going to Chelsea on Thursday nights from 4-6 p.m. to help low-income tax payers complete their forms) in anticipation of a late night at work (I had a 6 p.m. phone call with a client in California). I don’t know who at work might be reading this so maybe I shouldn’t be writing it, but . . . I went home. And I went for a run.
The run felt kind of horrible at the time — my 2:30 p.m. Starbucks was giving me side stitches and I felt like I was running 12-minute miles. But the weather was warm, and I quickly broke a sweat (probably because I over-dressed for the 40-degree afternoon). And, now, I’m a new person. I took the 6 p.m. call at home, Little Buggy splashing away in the bathtub in the background and am, for the record, still working away at 9:30 p.m., but perhaps the lesson learned is: my body will let me know when I need to work out and I will make the time, even if it involves “sneaking” out of work (though I would argue that it was for both my personal sanity and professional concentration — I have accomplished more in the past three hours than I did all day…)? So maybe I shouldn’t stress on a consistent basis? (Ha.)
25 random things, etc.
February 2, 2009 at 4:57 pm | In NYC, Starbucks, decor, law school, little bug, read this, running, tax law is sexy, wine, yoga | Leave a CommentTags: 25 Random Things, Facebook
Are you on Facebook? No? Then you are missing the internet craze of the month, the viral “25 Random Things About Me.” It’s wonderfully self-indulgent.
The instructions: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.
(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)
My list:
1. Waiting nine years after to college to go to law school — and then going to law school — was the best decision I have ever made.
2. Don’t think I’m crazy: I also loved law school, even when I missed five weeks of classes because I was too nauseous with morning sickness to drive to school.
3. I’m a far, far better (happier) person today than I was 5, 10, 15 years ago. As my mother would say (quoting “The Velveteen Rabbit”) I’ve been “rubbed real.”
4. In high school I wanted to be a U.S. Senator. Now I would like to someday be a speechwriter for a U.S. Senator.
5. This is probably because I have career ADD: I am currently on my 10th job since I graduated from college.
6. My daughter is named after my mother.
7. Speaking of my mother, she is the shining inspiration of my life.
8. I talk on the phone, or email, or both with my mother and my sisters every day.
9. And speaking of my sisters, they are without a doubt my best friends. I wish Erin would move back to Boston already.
10. My husband is one of nine children — he and his twin sister are #s 7 and 8.
11. Here is where I have lived since 1996: New York City; Ketchum, Idaho (Sun Valley); Los Angeles; Paris; Princeton, NJ; Boston.
12. Of the places listed above, I would move back to Ketchum, Paris, or LA in a heartbeat.
13. I am obsessed with interior design — blogs, magazines, etc. I fall asleep at night redecorating the rooms of my apartment in my head.
14. On average (even counting the three months or so I had to give them up while I was pregnant, meaning that there has been many a day when two were consumed), I most likely have had a Starbucks soy chai latte every day since the year 2000. I am, in fact, drinking one right now. (Oh, the money! The calories!)
15. I am a certified yoga instructor.
16. Sundays make me slightly blue, but I love our Sunday family dinners with just Tim, Little Buggy, and me eating spaghetti at meatballs at 5:30 p.m.
17. I don’t drink hard alcohol but make up for it in the amount of red wine I consume.
18. Oh yeah, when I lived in L.A. I worked at a wine store and took classes at UCLA to become a sommelier (did I mention my career ADD?)
19. I have run one marathon and two half-marathons.
20. I used to be a rather intense ashtanga practitioner (every morning at 6 a.m. for 2 years) and almost-vegan.
21. I have been to 29 countries and have: trekked in the Himalayas, visited Ankgor Wat and the Taj Mahal, sailed down the Mekong, seen the wailing wall in Jerusalem and Palmyra in Syria, sunned on the beaches of Rio, hiked the Swiss alps, watched the sun set over the Bosphorus in Istanbul. Those days are long gone, and I’m quite okay with it.
22. That being said, my dream is to live with my family abroad someday, preferably in Paris or London. Do you think they need tax lawyers there?
23. Despite my newest career, I still want to publish a novel. Maybe that will get me back to Paris.
24. I am in absolute awe of the fact that I found my husband, and that we made our incredible child.
25. I truly, truly believe in karma and that everything that happens to you in life — good or bad — leads you to where you are supposed to be.
My year so far…
January 17, 2009 at 10:04 am | In Starbucks, gastronomy, little bug, running, tax law is sexy, the firm, wine, yoga | 1 CommentTags: BigLaw, cleanse, detox, eighteen-month-old check up, Kitchen Aid mixer, New Year's Eve 2008, tax law
The first two weeks of 2009 have been frigid and snowy. I feel a bit guilty for not writing, but I’ll now do my best to catch up. Here’s a short list of 2009’s milestones thus far:
1. New Year’s in the Country

Little Buggy and her friend, August, check out the snowplows on a snowy New Year’s Eve night.
We woke up New Year’s Eve day to a veritable blizzard but wouldn’t let that keep us from heading out to Tim and Isabella’s newly renovated farmhouse in Concord. (In any event, I was in charge of the wine for the dinner party, so I couldn’t let everyone else down, right?) We took the T to North Station and then the commuter rail out to Concord, and I have to say, when we stepped off the train and Tim, our host, was waving to us on the snowy platform in his Barbour coat and wellies, I felt as if we had arrived for a weekend in the English countryside. (However, note to self: in the future do not take a toddler on a train without adequate snacks.)

From this…
There were four couples for dinner, exquisitely prepared by Isabella and her friend Lisanne (both of them true gourmets). We started with prune gnocchi (with a fruity and sweet Dolcetto d’ Alba that perfectly balanced the prunes — by far the best wine pairing of the night), then salad, then a pork tenderloin roasted with fennel and rosemary (with a Chateauneuf du Pape, which I picked really only because it’s my favorite wine, although it did go well with the pork…) I also had brought some cool dessert wines — a Bonny Doon framboise, a sparkling Shiraz from Australia, and some port to go with the chocolate fondue we were to have for dessert. However, we didn’t quite make it to the last course, as the evening devolved (evolved?) into a spontaneous dance party in the home’s detached studio, where we rang in the New Year as Little Buggy and little August slept away in the main house, peacefully oblivious.

…to this
2. I bought a Kitchen Aid Mixer
I woke up New Year’s day to the sun sparkling on the snowy fields and low stone walls of Concord — picture perfect New England. Isabella already had baked banana bread; Little Buggy and August had pulled chairs up to the kitchen island to “help” her. I resolved right then to finally purchase the Kitchen Aid I’d been craving for years, justifying it with cozy thoughts of Little Buggy helping me bake over the years. And, indeed, in just two weeks I’ve made chocolate chip cookies and my own banana bread — more baking than occurred in all of 2008.

Just as fun as baking: hiding in the box
3. Detox
Before all this baking happened, however, starting January 5 (a Monday — the real beginning of 2009) I went on a 5.5 day cleanse: no dairy, caffeine, soy, alcohol (duh), sugar, or grains. The first two days were rather painful only in that I was hungry. But I made myself a rash of healthy things in advance — soups, smoothies — and by Friday I felt great. My skin was clear, and I had lost about seven pounds (for real!) I’m back on the sauce: caffeine, alcohol, dairy, but I feel good about dropping that holiday weight, even if some of it creeps back on. I do sort of wish I could eat like that all the time, but frankly, it’s boring. Interestingly, I didn’t miss the cheese or wine all that much, and the hardest part for me was not stopping in the Starbucks in the lobby on my way up to my office. There is something innately comforting to me (Pavlovian?) about the routine of standing in line, grabbing that cardboard cup, and settling in at my desk to begin the day.
4. Yoga!
I’ve been to yoga six times! I’ve been getting up at 5:45 a.m. to get to the 6:15 class at Prana Power Yoga in Central Square. Even though it makes the mornings a bit more hectic, my days are so much better. I’d like to try to do it every morning — maybe that can be my next goal.
5. Running Club
The 2009 running club was inaugurated by Ellen and me last Saturday on an icy cold morning on the Charles. It was more like “adventure ice running” over large unplowed sections of the path on the river, but we felt rather proud afterwards. This morning’s running club has been cancelled due to the six degree cold outside.
6. Lots of snowstorms.

Helping Daddy dig out the cars
7. Little Buggy is 18 months!
She had her 18 month doctor’s appointment on Thursday. She’s a healthy little girl. Weight: 24 lbs, 11 oz (50th %); Height: 33 1/4 inches (quite literally off the charts for height percentile — greater than 100%). Both Tim and I were early growers, so that’s not surprising. Still, I wonder if she’ll end up being over six feet, like her Aunt Stephanie. She’s talking almost incessantly these days (wonder where that came from?). I can pretty much understand what she wants, and she can parrot back almost anything, making me realize I really do have to start curtailing my use of four-letter words.

Cooking away…
8. Work
I’ve been a BigLaw attorney for four months. I feel a little bit like I did when arrived at Princeton and was surrounded by people who, like me, legitimately loved school, and books, and asking questions, and learning. In the tax department, I’m also surrounded by people who are unabashed about their nerdy love of the tax code and the problem-solving it presents. I think this is what makes practicing tax law a bit different from corporate or litigation. In corporate, some people love that rush of the deadline, of staying up late, of making huge transactions happen (well, to the extent that they do anymore…). In litigation, people love doing the case research, writing briefs, looking for that one clue that will turn their case. In tax, people like to sit around and discuss the freaking TAX CODE, inventing scenario after scenario of possible outcomes.
More to my specific interests, however, each time I have the chance to do the college and university tax-exempt work (that I went to my particular firm with the hopes of specializing in), I am reminded of my real passion for education-related issues. This week I attended a conference for college and university practitioners, as well as a firm-sponsored lunch on topics in this area. Many of the issues in this area are far from tax related — admissions, labor, etc. — and I do hope to get some exposure to these areas as well. I also was assigned a pro-bono case in which I’m going to represent the mother of an autistic child against the Department of Education to help extend the girl’s education-related benefits after she turns 21. I’m nervous, as I am going to be the lawyer — but this is the benefit (indeed, the point, I think) of doing pro bono work as a young attorney. You have client exposure and responsibility that you’d never have in your normal place at the very bottom of the pecking order (to wit: I will be spending part of my vacation day on Monday transcribing , word-for-word, a two- to three-hour conference call. Not really using my, um, legal skills…)
Oh, yawn! Was that so boring? (Told you I was a dork.)
Anyway, one more thought about work: if you click on that link to the right to “Above the Law” you’ll see that this must-read legal blog has been listing almost daily firms that are laying off workers or freezing salaries. My firm, while halving bonuses like all the other firms, is not freezing salaries, which is encouraging. Nevertheless, things are nerve-wracking, as they are for everyone in the country. If I have a job in 2010 — bonuses, salary increases or not — I will be truly grateful.
And with that, I embark upon the latter half of the month, promising to update a bit more regularly.
Weekend: Countdown to Christmas
December 13, 2008 at 5:10 pm | In Massholes, little bug, running, tax law is sexy, the firm, weekend | Leave a CommentTags: Nude Olympics, Pour House, Santa Speedo race Boston, sick baby, working on the weekends
It’s 5 p.m. on a bitterly cold, dark Saturday, and I am at work. (This is in part because our data servers and email shut down yesterday due to an ice storm somewhere west of here, and in part because by Monday I am to write a memo on the tax consequences of a certain form of partnership distribution, about which I have absolutely not one iota of prior knowledge or understanding. It’s taking awhile.) The baby is home, sick. Therefore, I have to bow out of a holiday party to which I’d been looking forward for weeks, ever since I got the beautiful invitation, and whose hostess, Kristen, is one of the best cooks and entertainers I know. My mouth is watering as I think about all the treats I’ll be missing. But what can you do — what if Little Buggy is crying and needs me and I’m not there?
Still, the day is not lost: I convinced Tim to get a tree (even though we’ll be gone for a week at Christmas), which is being decorated even as I write (love the tree: hate to decorate it…always have). And we’ll have a fire tonight.
And sometimes when you walk around your neighborhood doing errands on a bitterly cold Saturday, you can see this:

I mean, I just have no idea. But since this “race” seemed to begin and end at the Pour House on Boylston, I imagine these people were fortified with a bit of liquid courage. (Kind of like Nude Olympics, no? Except a bit less nude, i.e., we were much tougher. Or drunker.)
I got nothin
November 13, 2008 at 5:46 pm | In tax law is sexy, the firm | 1 CommentTags: Add new tag, work/life balance; first-year associate no time
Warning: the following post may sound like a whine. I realize I haven’t written in ages but have been suffering from: post-election let-down, a cold, and some other stuff. Turns out that when you are trying to bill 8.25 hours a day, and trying to spend qualify time with your child as well (away from Sesame Street), it leaves you very little time to do things like write on your blog, as meaningful as that is. I am having difficulty getting those 8.25 hours in — I can get in maybe 7 at work, if I’m really, really efficient (e.g., no Gmail or Facebook — yeah right!). So those extra 2 or 3 hours have to come between 7:30 and whenever I go to bed. So no time to blog, until I get more efficient. Which, of course, I’m going to become tomorrow! I swear!
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