Review (phew?)

November 18, 2009 at 10:19 am | In Starbucks, little bug, tax law is sexy, the firm | 4 Comments
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I was so sure I was going to be let go/laid off/fired (or whatever the current euphemism is for what is happening at BigLaw performance reviews these days) on Tuesday that I booked a painter to begin working on Thursday. Rumors were rampant at work about cuts to be made, not based on performance, but based on hours. Although due to no real fault of my own I’d like to think (I’m a tax lawyer, I don’t work on deals, I don’t do document review), my numbers were, by BigLaw standards, atrocious. So, by Tuesday morning I had done some cursory research of Massachusetts employment law as it relates to maternity leave (can your maternity leave be halted once you have begun it?) and also had consulted with former colleagues who had been downsized right before their maternity leaves to compare what sort of severance they had been given. I was prepared.

I walked into my review with a truly racing heart. My nerves were tingling in a way they had not since I opened up that letter from the Massachusetts Board of Bar Examiners. I also had convinced myself that being laid off right now would be great, actually. I would have three months at home with my Little Bug before the baby arrived. I could get the house decorated, prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas, cook, watch Oprah. Tim could truly focus on his increasingly demanding job for awhile. I’d have the baby, and in the spring I’d think about what came next.

At the same time, I was thinking about how and with whom I’d network. I’d try to start freelancing for the Boston Bar Journal. I’d join some professional groups. I’d get my references lined up. And I had already started to do some soul-searching: why were my hours so low that I was laid off? What sort of message was I putting out – consciously or subconsciously – into the universe about my desire to work full-time at a big firm? What could I have done better? And, worse, I had started asking myself: was this really an hours-based layoff? Was I really a good lawyer?

In the end, I had a glowing performance review. I was truly stunned when, after the first few moments, it became clear that not only was I not going to get fired, but that people actually appreciated my work. “Come on, you didn’t really think they were going to let you go,” was the chorus from my family and friends. But I did – I truly did. See, I’m not sure I’m world’s greatest tax lawyer. This stuff is difficult, and not only do I not take to it as intuitively as others, I’m also quite sure I don’t work as hard. I get Starbucks with my colleagues. Most nights, I rush out of here to get home before 6, and I don’t work from home unless I really need to. I write on my blog, I read the news, I watch crappy TV. If they were going to have to let the lowest-producing lawyers go for economic reasons, why not me?

Oh, I am so lucky to have a job – any job – right now. I have stimulating, supportive colleagues. A caring nanny whom my child adores. A husband who rarely travels and will get home in lieu of me almost any night I ask (and when he can’t, family who can step in.) And, the bottom line is: I could stay home if I wished. I am acutely aware that I have this choice. But, historically, I’m also really bad with choices: I second-guess to the point of anxiety. (I’ve written about this before, of course.)  I am extremely satisfied and proud and grateful in the wake of this review that my choice to become a Big Law attorney seems to have been a good one, but it doesn’t make walking out the door each morning any easier. I am supporting my family and (hopefully) becoming a role model for my daughter, who can now say, “I want to be a lawyer!” But is that any better than being home with her, reading to her, making her lunch? I just don’t know. I can’t know. As irrational as it seems, maybe the choice should have been made for me.

Weekend

November 8, 2009 at 7:02 pm | In Starbucks, little bug, the 'burbs, weekend | Leave a Comment
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Saturday

First stop: haircut.
The before shot:

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The after shot:

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Haircut was followed by breakfast at our “old” Starbucks on Newbury St.:

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Afterwards, we strolled a few blocks to visit our “old” playground:

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Being at CSP made me a bit nostalgic. I logged a lot of hours at this playground.  As we walked down Commonwealth Ave. towards Clarendon, Little Bug got so excited when she realized where we were going. 

Sunday

Four families, six children for brunch. Kara, Lindsey, and I were close friends/roommates in college. Tennessee and Emily are married. Kara’s brother and Tennessee were roommates in college. I went to Columbia J-school with Tennessee. Lindsey and Emily met when they were 7-years-old and went to middle school together in Cambridge. Emily used to be a lawyer at my firm. Lots of connections.

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This is exactly why we bought a house with a swingset in the suburbs. 

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Riding the wave of my kitchen ambition, I made two casseroles to freeze, one for Thursday or Friday night and one for another week. Ingredients: sauteed onion, spinach, browned turkey, penne, Classico sauce, gruyere, parmesan and mozzarella cheeses. I just made this recipe up. Nothing fancy (and I feel almost embarrassed divulging it knowing sarabclever will be reading it…), but on a Friday night it is absolutely delicious. (For brunch, by the way, I made this strada and banana bread from a Martha Stewart recipe.)

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Buggy’s little 9-year-old “friends” came over. There are a half dozen fourth- or fifth-grade girls in the neighborhood, and they absolutely adore her. I think they think of her like a pet. They knock on the door and give her big hugs and play with her for a bit but then clearly grow a bit bored of a barely literate 2-year-old and eventually send her on her way. Buggy, however, worships them. “There are my friends!” she cries happily whenever she sees them out on the sidewalk rollerblading or drawing with chalk.

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Finally, we went to our condo to take some pictures for our upcoming all-out marketing blitz. Someday, if I’m completely devoid of inspiration, I’ll tell the long tale of the condo that we thought we sold and so therefore contracted to buy our new house, but the buyer backed out and now we have two mortgages (hello, mortgage interest deduction!) If you, or anyone you know, wants a new construction two-bedroom, two-bath next to the red line in Milton, MA, with a water view, let me know… I couldn’t be more serious.

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See how nice the view is?

Swine flu update (or, the miraculous neti pot)

November 4, 2009 at 11:20 am | In little bug | 6 Comments
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Little Buggy and I are both considered high risk for the H1N1 virus. Tuesday morning, she was vaccinated. We were the first ones in line – at 9:10 a.m. – for the 10 a.m. flu clinic, and were out the door again by 9:30, before all the sick kids and impatient parents arrived en masse. Her eyes widened in surprise for a moment when the nurse stuck her with a needle, but she got her Tweety Bird band-aid and a princess sticker and was fine.

I am not fine. I am a paranoid wreck about this flu. Every other pregnant woman I know – literally, I am not exaggerating here *– has received the vaccine from her ob. Mine – yes, I’m calling you out Harvard Vanguard – claims not to have it yet. They claim this every time I call, which is three times a week. I’m seeing practitioners at two different offices, too (alternating appointments between my regular ob at one location and a midwife at another, closer to work), so I call both offices. How can Harvard Vanguard, one of the biggest practices in the state, not have the vaccine for their pregnant patients? I just don’t believe what they are telling me over the phone. “If you get sick, we’ll give you Tamiflu,” they try to appease me. I don’t want Tamiflu, the effects of which are unknown on the fetus. I want the vaccine, and I don’t care if it has trace amounts of mercury or whatever.

Lindsey had it; Pax Arcana had it, and they lived to tell the tale. And I’m so relieved that Little Bug has been vaccinated. I just don’t want to put myself or my unborn child in danger. A partner at my firm, with whom I work often, is greatly concerned for my well being. “Have you had the shot yet?” he asks, every time we meet. “Maybe you should stay home until you get it.” Agreed. Although impractical. Instead, I am following the old wives’ tales on how to keep the flu away by gargling twice a day with salt water (although I use Listerine, since I’ve also read that that works too) and using a netti pot to flush my nasal passages and sinuses with saline.

What is a neti pot, you ask? I’m so glad you did. In short: it’s a miracle. If you know me, you know that I have allergies. And I sniffle. All. The. Time. And even this is an understatement. I wake up in the middle of the night with a stuffy nose and itchy ears and throat. It takes about 10 minutes every morning for my sinuses to drain and clear. My husband often turns to me in bed and says, “This sniffling. Must. Stop. Now.”

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This is not me, by the way.

A neti pot (or netti pot) is like a little tea pot. I’ve been aware of it for years – it’s a common Ayurvedic remedy (I used to be really into Ayurvedic remedies) – but have never tried it myself because the concept seemed so strange. You fill it with lukewarm water and salt. You pour it in one nostril and tilt your head down and to the side until the solution comes out the other nostril. It feels really weird and uncomfortable at first, like when you are in the ocean and get hit with a wave that goes right up your nose. I’ve been using it twice a day, and by day two my endemic, low-grade sniffles were gone.  FOR REAL. Let me re-emphasize: I do not sniffle anymore. I don’t wake up in the night with a stuffy nose and itchy throat and ears. I don’t sniffle in the morning, nor all day long at my desk. I am a new person, truly. And if you are familiar with my sniffling (and for that, a lifetime of apologies), you know what a big deal this is for me. Hopefully this will keep the pesky flu away, to boot.

*Update: Okay, I might have been exaggerating a bit, as it was just brought to my attention that two pregnant friends — physicians, no less — have not yet been vaccinated (pregnant doctors? Are you kidding me? One of them is an infectious disease specialist, too!). And more absurd than that is news that a friend in Ohio has had her whole family vaccinated, including her non-high risk husband. Not that I don’t want him to get the vaccine, of course, but what is up with the geographical distribution so that there’s plenty of vaccine in Ohio but not enough in Masschusetts for pregnant infectious disease doctors?

Happy Halloween: Weekend in the ‘burbs

November 2, 2009 at 9:14 am | In little bug, the 'burbs, weekend | 1 Comment

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I loved Halloween in Back Bay — the big party at Clarendon Street Playground (complete with hayrides), the spooky front yards, and the kids running up and down the brownstone steps. Halloween in the suburbs proved to be very similar to the Halloweens of my childhood — jack’o'lanterns, dads herding kids up and down the street while moms stay home to pass out candy, and the two waves of trick-or-treaters — the little kids shortly after dark, the older kids showing up after you thought you were done for the night (with questionable effort put into their costumes — a t-shirt and mask just doesn’t cut it, kids…) 

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Little Bug — little ladybug! — wasn’t so sure of the whole routine at first. “I want to go to my home,” she said at one point. But then we ran into our neighbors Kate and May (two other two-year-old girls) and their parents and hit a couple of houses with them, and she started to get into it. As we were walking home, finally, her pumpkin bucket full of candy that she’d never eat, she said, happily, “I’m in Halloween!” 

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Fortunately, what she remembered about Halloween night was the costumes (she woke up this morning saying, “I want to be a witch! I want to be a scarecrow!”), and, so far, not the candy. 

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This weekend also was spent raking and jumping in leaves. Tim raked the whole yard on Saturday, only to have to re-rake Sunday after Saturday’s wind and late-night rain. Buggy is a big help.

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SAHM for a Day

November 1, 2009 at 8:02 pm | In Starbucks, little bug | 1 Comment

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At the last minute, I decided to take a vacation day on Friday. Initially I thought to have our babysitter come for a few hours in the morning anyway so that I could “get stuff done,” but then I realized that since I was taking an actual vacation day I wouldn’t feel as tied to my Blackberry, and also — I really didn’t have much I had to “get done.” So Janet got the day off and Friday was just the Little Bug and me. And it was great.

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Breakfast of champions at Starbucks.

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Playdate with our friend Ella.

We also went to the grocery store, ate lunch together, and made cookies with Ella and her mom, Egan (my coworker — and neighbor! — who is home on Fridays). While Buggy napped I made chili for dinner and did laundry. Would every day be this nice were I home full-time? Probably not. I would have “stuff to do,” and would not, of course, be able to be so totally focused on her. Would I like to work four days a week? Undoubtedly (and, I’m sure Tim would like it, as well, as he came home to a dinner of chicken chili and fresh cookies). But I have a ton of vacation days to use up before the end of the year, and hopefully we’ll have a few more mommy-daughter days before Little Buggy’s little brother arrives and turns things upside down again!

Politics and more

October 28, 2009 at 12:57 pm | In Massholes, little bug, politics | Leave a Comment
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Ted Kennedy died, and Massachusetts needs a new senator. The special election takes place January 19, 2010. There are four candidates. In addition, the Boston mayoral election is on November 3.

I moved to Boston in June 2003, and this the longest I’ve stayed put since I went to college. I consider myself relatively well-informed, politically, but these races have hardly registered in my conscious. I don’t know whom I’m supporting, nor who stands for what. The current New Jersey gubernatorial and New York City mayoral races still seem more relevant, somehow. I care more that Christie might actually be the governor of New Jersey (a potential travesty) and find discussing the pros and cons of Bloomberg’s potential term-limit extension much more interesting than whether the Menino machine can be broken.

Maybe this is the problem: In Boston and Massachusetts, in adherence to all stereotypes, the “machine” still seems to means something. If you want to be a player, have a future, in Democratic politics, you support the incumbent mayor for a fifth term, even if you can understand one of every five words he mumbles.

Likewise, now that Martha Coakley seems to have been appointed “the” Democratic candidate, it is unlikely that her three challengers will have a chance. Which is too bad, despite the fact that I’m sure she’d be a good senator (and I’m always supportive of women who run for office). 

Case in point: Last night Tim and I attended a fund raiser for Alan Khazei, another senatorial candidate. Khazei founded the nonprofit City Year (a kind of Peace Corps for teenagers that focuses on inner cities in the U.S.). He’s running a decidedly grass-roots campaign and is embracing the “community organizer” label. (“We have a community organizer in the White House!” he exclaims during his speeches.) I attended not so much because I support Khazei (indeed, I didn’t know much about him before yesterday and even thought his name was spelled like it is pronounced – “Casey” – and he was yet another Irish guy running for office) but because I knew some of the people hosting the fundraiser and was curious about why they were supporting this relative underdog.  The crowd was decidedly young and idealistic, and I spied a few figures whom I knew coveted a future in politics publicly bucking the machine and throwing their support behind Khazei, not Coakley. That in itself was heartening. But I don’t think he has a chance – not because of his message or demeanor (he is a funny, likeable man), but because the fundraising momentum is already behind someone else.

Khazei didn’t necessarily win me over last night. But meeting an actual candidate kindled my overall interest in the race.  In fact, it was invigorating.  I have always thrived when feeling like I’m in the know and aware of the world (one of the reasons why I became a journalist). Though going to the fundraiser meant missing putting Little Bug to bed (and how I miss her when I don’t see her all day!), a night away from my child might be worth it to keep the currents of inspiration and commitment to and interest in the world around me buzzing. In other words, to keep me being me.

Duh, you say. Of course you have to have a life of your own, apart from your kids (isn’t this what all mommy-lit is about?)  In reality, though, we all know how strong the pull of home is after a long day, children or not.  After the event, Tim and I swung by Gaslight (our favorite go-to-French bistro, in large part because of the free parking and quick access to the Expressway) for a quick steak frite. An impromptu weeknight dinner with one’s husband in an actual restaurant – no TVs, no computers, no dirty dishes – discussing politics and our work days (I have a vague fantasy that people without kids or with grown kids do this regularly…) is indeed a rare treat. And further compounded the obvious:  it’s good – essential, important, necessary, fulfilling, sustaining… – to get out of the urban-suburban commuting bubble (home, work, home). There’s a senate race going on and it matters to my life. So do personal relationships. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have stoked both fires.

Littlge Buggy Update: Fall

October 26, 2009 at 9:53 am | In little bug, the 'burbs, weekend, yoga | Leave a Comment

As I’ve written about before, one of my biggest flaws as a parent — bigger, perhaps, then still giving my 2.3 year old a bottle of milk in her crib every night — is that I am terrible at documenting Little Buggy’s childhood. I don’t have a baby book or photo albums, nor do I update photos in frames. Probably because I take so very few photos.

Case in point: we had half a dozen or so of Little Buggy’s “friends” over on Sunday for a Pumpkin Carving party. It was chaos. And a hoot. (Damage done: one bruised forehead, two bloody lips [including my own!], one broken toy piano key. Not too bad!) And I didn’t take one photo. Hopefully, others will send me theirs, but I was too busy carving pumpkins, refreshing sippy cups, and pouring white wine.

Ah, if I only had an iPhone, I keep telling myself. My rationale is that the iPhone would be semi-permanently attached to my personage, making picture taking unavoidable. The few shots I have to Little Bug this fall are from Tim’s iPhone (see?), but capture pretty well this stage in our lives.

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Raking leaves yesterday, a picture perfect Indian summer day in the suburbs. (Note the swing set in the background!)

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Taken Thursday night and emailed to me while I worked late. Little Buggy had donned one of my yoga tank tops and was “doing yoga” in our bedroom. I’m assuming her arms are making their way into “mountain pose”?

Reunions 2009

June 2, 2009 at 8:49 pm | In little bug, weekend | Leave a Comment

We headed down to Princeton this past Saturday for Reunions and the P-rade. It was my first Reunions with a child in tow, and, as such, I found myself chasing after a toddler more than I was chasing down beer. Nevertheless, while I looked on with some nostalgia at the drunken crowds on the Ivy dance floor post P-rade, it was a gorgeous day and worth every second of the drive to see dear friends with whom I feel like I can pick up immediately (maybe because we are all wearing orange shirts). I could quite easily digress into some serious sap, so instead I’ll pilfer directly (and with permission) from an email Lacy (a professional writer, obviously) sent out early Sunday morning (some names have been changed to protect the innocent…):

Highlights

At around the Class of 2001 mark during the P-rade, Teddy produces an ice-cold bottle of white wine and cups (!) from her shoulder cooler.
Char’s discourse on the pluses and minuses of dudes in the Class of 2005.
Sage McCoy is a REDHEAD!

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Little Bug with Sage, the REDHEAD (though you can’t tell here). (Also, Ed Note: Lacy, the writer of this email is herself a redhead, thus the ALLCAPS!)

The Smyth boys enraptured over the bands, tiger balloons, and mardi gras beads.

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Mischievous Smyth boys, whose parents, it should be noted met at Reunions (her first, his fifth).

[Little Bug] Murphy liberating, conceivably from the grass somewhere, her own cold can of Miller Lite, and throwing the unopened can back like a pro.

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Yikes.

[Mags], hungover, looking nevertheless effortlessly cool and chic in white capri pants, and the random boy after the P-rade who told her, “I remember you studying for Orgo.”  Yeah, we know you do, Pal.
In between chasing down a cup for Char, Dux issues a lovely monologue on a long walk through and aesthetic considerations of Manhattan.
Will Reinblock torn between a convo with Senator Frist in Ivy and the live band across the street at TI.  Very true to his genetic heritage.  On both sides.
The late afternoon sun on the Ivy front lawn, the lull before the Class of 2009 made it from Poe Field across the road, the free cookies and burgers and quiet contemplation of the fact that the building formerly called DEC is still all boarded up and weird.

Lowlights

The ‘Great Hall’?? [Ed note: this refers to the huge HUGE addition on Ivy. It's like a cathedral. I suppose people could get married there...]
Absence of Sotomayer with class of ‘76.
That calliope thing.
Calling people you really liked circa 1995 by the wrong names.  Twice.
The dwindling fields as absurd new dorms spring up.
Waiting to fall into the P-rade toward the upper end of Little.  Like, near Dod.  Like, golf carts are not actually that far off.

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Like this picture has never been taken before — same orange, different year…

The gang gets back together

May 23, 2009 at 9:34 am | In little bug, weekend | Leave a Comment
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To kick off our Memorial Day weekend, Little Bug and I went to meet our old “baby group” friends at a park for a late afternoon playdate. These women were in my Isis Great Beginnings class, about which I have written before, and they shared those first few sleepless, confusing weeks with me, as we watched our babies scream and spit up (especially mine), while we sat in a circle and learned about how to take care of them, I guess — although mostly I remember it as a place to voice insecurities and frustrations with nursing, husbands, and flabby stomachs. It sounds totally yuppie (obviously) and even slightly touch-feely (OK, very), but it was a wonderful experience, and I’m lucky to have had such a support group.

Some of us have gone back to work to varying degrees, some of us have since had new babies, but we have kept in touch, via email and Facebook. I know that some of the moms and babies see each other pretty regularly, and I miss that camaraderie. But as we marveled over the size of our kids yesterday (especially my daughter’s size 8 shoes at 22.5 months!), I realized that these friendships started off with such a shared intensity of experience that it’s quite easy to pick up where you left off.

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Halloween 2007 

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May 2009 
 

Milestone

May 12, 2009 at 7:52 pm | In Starbucks, little bug, running, the firm, wine | 5 Comments
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Hello! Remember me? It’s my birthday, so I’m going to use this occasion to try to start posting again. If the camera on my Blackberry hadn’t broken the last time I dropped it (iPhone here I come!), I would have posted a picture of my desk at work today, which featured a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my coworkers friends, another goregous bouquet from Winston Flowers from my dear EAPL, and a genuine Starbucks mug from the original Pike’s Place Starbucks in Seattle, lovingly carried back by Sarabclever, who knows me too well. There was a leisurely lunch at Boloco (where else?) with coworkers friends; voicemail messages from friends trying to sing happy birthday (love you KRB and QBMc!); a real, old-school birthday card from LMR (of course!); presents from my loving family, including a framed, matted reproduction of the Maira Kalman print of Ruth Bader Ginsburg (the one featured in the post below) from my incredibly talented sister (now open for freelance stationery business!). And lots of emails and Facebook messages. Plus, Tim walked in from a business trip with pizza and mint chocolate chip ice cream from J.P. Licks. And, I am drinking a Chateauneuf-du-Pape given to me by my coworker friend, Jean-Michel (and he didn’t even know it is my absolute favorite varietal!) My baby is sleeping soundly in the next room (hopefully, with her pajamas on. Her new habit is unzipping them numerous times throughout the night). I am a lucky, lucky woman.

Not to say that this birthday hasn’t been a little fraught — poor Ellen got an earful on our 10-mile run around Castle Island on Sunday (yes, the half marathon is happening Memorial Day weekend!). It’s a milestone of sorts — no longer am I in my “early” 30s. If and when we have another child, I’ll be of “advanced maternal age,” and my insurance will cover all the early pre-natal testing that it didn’t the first time around. But it has been milestone also in that it has, somewhat surprisingly, put me in touch, for various reasons, with two important people from my deep, dark past. I’ve grown a lot, and karma has won out (I hope), and attempts at closure have, perhaps, finally been satisfied. I’d rather be 35 and who I am right now than young and face-line-less.

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